Coaching-Matters of the Heart

In order to get free from the monsters that live inside, there are a few helpful things to know before kicking them out!

We must understand the condition of the heart, the function of the heart, the keeper of the heart, and the purpose of the heart. And there’s no better place to find those answers than to ask God who created our heart in the first place.

Because many of us have seen the ups and downs of things in our lives that affect our heart, we get nervous when we delve into the abyss of emotions with the help of Jesus to find what is really going on in there. But if we are ever going to fully understand ourselves and find wholeness, we must try to find out what’s inside and why God has given us hearts in the first place.

I have often wondered if God had put a zipper down the front of my chest and took a good look down into my heart, what would I see. Without warning it would bring up nasty traits like insecurity, anxiety, jealousy, and anger. Now I see it as a way of looking within my fear of what damage was done based on pain that had built up inside of it. Stop for a moment and just be with this!

Based on the swirling emotions you must have experienced with childhood trauma, you more than likely had no clue how to begin healing a heart that had been beaten by shame, rejection, inadequacy, fear, anxiety and all the other monsters that tagged along with them.

So many times, we pray hard to keep these feeling from surfacing or even affecting our lives and beliefs as we grow up. You are a dedicated believer who genuinely adores God but as most do, you did the best you could by picking yourself up and attempted to walk through life carrying the extra weight.

We are raised in a Christian culture that did a great job of teaching us about God and who we needed to be for Him. Worship, service, pure actions, and prayer were always the primary focus of a devoted life. You did and do great deeds, good works, ministry, and Christian duties. In your life you saw improvement of things that you thought were lacking or broken within yourself. Most times we never attempt to understand the design of your God-given heart.

According to God, the heart He designed determines the course of your life. Your original heart isn’t a bad thing, because it was dreamed up by a good Father who only creates good things.

Your heart is where your feelings originate. Every one of your emotions and thoughts grows like a tree out of your core beliefs, revealing your heart on each matter.

The New Testament Greek word for heart, kardia, means thoughts or feelings (mind) and is also defined as the middle or center.

This center inside is the part that makes your special and unique, distinguishing you from the other people in the world, even more so than your physical body.

You are so loved.

Judgments—Criticism or Mirror?

Why is it we feel the need to see the fault in others and never look in the mirror to see if it is our own issue that rises to the top?

You could see the red flush of rage start to rise on the mother’s face. “I have never, ever experienced a more defiant, stubborn, selfish child,” she said through clenched teeth to her friend.

Washing the dinner dishes for the fifth time that week, the wife was nursing a resentment against her husbands “laziness” in the kitchen, while their son was in his room calling his parents “mean” and “unfair” for requiring that he complete his homework before going out to play.

There’s one thing they all agree on: It’s the other person’s fault.

But there’s another thing they’re all missing: Every judgment we pass on other people is a revelation about ourselves, an expression of our own needs and values.

For example, the mother may need to look at the rage she felt as a child, when defying her own parents resulted in punishment, something she would never do to her own son. “I will not be like my parents!” The husband may need to work on his assertiveness, asking for more shared responsibility in the kitchen. And the son may need to understand the consequences of the choices he made regarding his homework.

In each case, the judgment itself provided a clue for what needs to be looked at, acknowledged, or brought out.

“Can’t I just have an opinion, though?” we are tempted to ask.

Of course. But judgment is different from the kinds of opinions that form from assessment or objective appraisals. Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgment, all ways of saying that another person is “wrong.” Other types of judgments:

· Judgments based on beliefs and expectations. “You’re 11 now, and you should be able to remember to turn the lights off in your room.” [“You’re inconsiderate; you’re an airhead.”]

· Judgments based on fears. “She’s cold and distant lately; I think she’s getting ready to leave me.”

· Judgments based on generalizations. “Believe me, all men are basically lazy.”

· Judgments that make us feel better about ourselves. “How could you not know who the person is singing that song?” [“You’re stupid; I’m smart.”]

· Judgments that distract us from taking responsibility. “She gets all the parts she wants; she’s the director’s daughter.”

To enjoy the benefits of being nonjudgmental—more effective communication, reduced misunderstandings, enhanced relationships at home and work, and a sense of emotional freedom and safety can be created. Look at whether you are communicating your needs. Here are some suggestions to try.

· Be aware of where and when you are judging others. This is a necessary first step.

· Practice empathy with a soft heart. What’s it like to be the other person?

· Truly listen and keep an open mind. Learn to make objective evaluations about ideas, people, and situations.

· Be curious. Ask about the circumstances of someone else’s life. Most of our assumptions are not based on real situations but assumed beliefs.

· Accept differences. If we can accept each other’s choices and beliefs, then there is so much more freedom for all of us to be ourselves.

· Focus on your feelings and needs, as well as those of others. This will take you out of judgment and be more present to the needs of those around you and their specific situation.

Judgment separates us from the moment and clouds the opportunity to be present to someone else. Isn’t that what we desire? To be heard, supported, and cared for? Look in the mirror and determine your choices. You might find instead of Judgments, you “meant to judge” and found you could change the outcome by being present to the needs of others and have yours met as well.

Moments in Time

Moments in Time

A Look without Vision and a Listening without Words

Vision comes from within. It takes us where we want to go with our thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

When we have sight, it gives us the ability to see the physical world. When we have vision, it allows us to see beyond it. Sight gives us the ability to experience the world with knowledge. Stop and think about it. It allows us to feel pleasure through what we see. It could be colors and shapes, expressions of nature as well as people around us. It allows us to feel in control when we are moving forward or when things are coming towards us. It also gives us the ability to see where we are at any given moment in time. When you read a book or sign, do you stop and think about the fact you can do that because you have sight? What would it be like if you couldn’t see your partner, a child, a sunset, or even your favorite animal with their expressions, their fears or even their tears?

On a whole different note, what are the gifts of not having sight? Could it be you can see more clearly when you cannot see the world through your eyes? If you were to close your eyes, and go into a meditative state, can you not become more in touch with our inner world when we are not so distracted by our outer world? Is it too dark to want to travel within?

Vision comes from within. It enables us to go through the energies of darkness, thought, feeling and emotion.

What about being able to hear? Do we pay attention to the presence of noise and sounds in our everyday world? Can we truly hear our children’s cries, or our desire to be heard and our passion to communicate with others? What if you had no ability to hear, what would your world sound like? Would it be safe to say you would listen with your heart, listen through your sight, and listen through your touch? Would you be able to hear music through the beats of the musical instruments from the floor, vibration of a table or your hands on the walls? Would you be able to feel emotions through vibrations of the spirit and learn to hear more closely with your heart?

We don’t have to have sight or hearing to communicate. We just need to connect with the spirit within.

As we age, even with perfect eyesight or hearing, we will begin to lose a certain aspect of acuity. Even with some of the loss, it will usually be replaced with inner vision and inner knowing. It is our time of grace, our time to share the wisdom of our lives, and to be a light to those who are not connected to their surroundings. The worldly sounds and the business of life isn’t as important as the moment in time when we engage in the inner vision of life’s beauty. This is where we experience life through intuition without sound or without sight, just being present to what IS. Being present to our inner selves. That spiritual essence that makes us who we are.

Sarah Bush

9-19-19